CHAPTER 3: POWERFUL SELF-CONTROL
Learning from a Bully
That bully Rohit makes my life miserable,” Easan thought as he packed up his bag for another challenging day at school. The days were getting worse, and he was not looking forward to another one. After saying bye to Mom, he and younger brother Jothi walked to the bus stop. Seeing the bus draw near, Easan felt his heart beat faster. He could see a few heads poking out of the bus windows. Rohit’s voice, that dreaded voice, shouted, “Hey! Sissy!”§
The bus slowed to a stop. Rohit grinned at him. The other boys were laughing. This was their morning fun. §
Easan stepped into the bus and glared at Rohit, who then turned toward his friends and laughed, “Oh, now he thinks he’s tough!”§
Easan’s stop was just one before the final stop, and most of the seats were already taken. As usual, the girls sat in the front, the younger kids next and Rohit and his friends at the back, as far away as possible from the driver, the only adult on board. Jothi sat with one of his friends in the middle of the bus, and Easan took a seat two rows in front of Rohit’s gang.§
As soon as the bus started off, something whizzed by his head. Startled, he turned around to see Rohit and his friends smirking. “What’s the matter, Easan, scared of a paper ball?”§
Easan stood up and clenched his fist. But then Rohit stood up, and Michael, Arjun and Jose. Easan, in 10th grade and just 15, was no match for these older boys. By this time, the rest of the children had turned around to see what was going on. Jothi came back to where Easan was standing. “Don’t do anything. There are too many of them!”§
His little brother’s attempt to help just embarrassed him further. Then the bus driver ordered over the PA system, “Sit down in the back, right now!”§
Reluctantly, Easan sat down, but his heart beat fast and he felt a choking anger rising up. He could not understand why Rohit kept picking on him. Even worse than being picked on was the fact that Jothi was seeing all this. “Maybe the day will come when even Jothi mocks me,” he thought, “All because of Rohit!”§
The rest of the day at school was uneventful. Easan stayed in his homeroom, skipping lunch to avoid running into Rohit. As the bus loaded, the driver warned Rohit and his friends. “Behave yourselves, boys, I’m watching you! Cause trouble and you will be walking home!” The ride was reasonably peaceful.§
The brothers’ stop came soon enough, and they ran home, straight to the kitchen where Mom had already set out a snack for them. §
As he bit into his sandwich, Easan relived the morning’s experience. Remembering Jothi’s frightened face, he became upset all over again. “Why was he so frightened? Did he think I wasn’t strong enough to fight those jerks? He just made it worse!” §
Suddenly he turned to Jothi. “Look, you’re making a mess! Dropping food all over the place! You don’t even know how to eat properly!” §
Startled, Jothi looked up. Mom, too, was surprised and thought, “What is this?” Normally the boys got along very well, and had been taught to have self-control and be polite to everyone. But she had noticed in the past few months Easan snapping at Jothi over nothing. §
“Now, now, boys, everything is alright.”§
Later that evening, after the boys had gone to bed, Mom brought the subject up with Dad. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but there is a problem!”§
Dad agreed, “I noticed also. The boys are not at all friendly with each other.”§
“The whole reason for our having two children was to ensure that they would share a good comradeship and be there for each other.” §
Dad frowned. “I know, but now they are like sworn enemies.”§
“Not ‘enemies,’ just ‘enemy.’ It’s one-sided. It is Easan who attacks Jothi.”§
“Maybe I should talk to Easan,” Dad replied. “I will remind him to show more self-control. I will explain again that he should think before he speaks and be considerate of others.” §
The opportunity presented itself the next morning. As the two boys were getting ready for school, Easan bluntly told Jothi, “Don’t sit near me on the bus today. Sit up front with the girls!”§
Stepping back, Jothi looked fearfully at his brother. Dad had heard the remark from the kitchen and said quietly, “Easan, can I see you for a minute?”§
Easan responded defensively, “OK, but I am getting late for school.”§
They sat down in the living room, while Jothi joined Mom in the kitchen. Dad asked softly, “Son, what’s wrong? What’s upsetting you?”§
“Jothi bugs me, following me around all the time, even at school.” §
Dad was silent for a moment. “I don’t think that’s the problem. You boys have always gotten along well. There has to be something else.” §
“No, it’s not….” Then he blurted out, “There’s a bully at school, Rohit, who has been making my life miserable.”§
Dad said, “The way you’ve started to make Jothi’s life miserable?”§
Easan blushed, “I guess, sort of, maybe….”§
“What do you feel like doing to Rohit?”§
“I want to punch him!”§
“Do you think it will solve the problem?”§
“I don’t know. At least it will wipe that silly smirk off his face!”§
“I would not do that if I were you.”§
“Why not?”§
“This boy is older and bigger than you, and so are his friends. You don’t think a bully like that picks on someone his own size, do you? And if you start a fight, do you think he is going to fight fair? Even if you somehow got the advantage on him, his friends would come to his defense.”§
“But what can I do? I’m starting to hate going to school, and I’m ashamed that Jothi is seeing me get bullied.”§
“Remember our earlier talks about self-control, son, about considering your words carefully and not letting your emotions take over?”§
“Yes, like when I learned to stop playing video games so much. But how does that apply here?”§
“The best method of dealing with a bully is to ignore him, and that takes real self-control.”§
“Ignore him?”§
“Yes, just plain ignore him. §
“How?”§
“Behave as though he does not exist. However, to do that, you have to keep your emotions under control. You can also just avoid running in to him.”§
“You really think that will work?”§
“Yes, I do. But if it doesn’t, I will go to the school and talk to the principal, and to Rohit’s parents if I have to. But I think you can solve this on your own.”§
Easan acknowledged, “You’re right, Dad, I am letting him get to me. That’s the problem.”§
As Easan walked back into the kitchen, the determined tilt of his head made Jothi understand that things were back to normal between them. Together they raced for the bus.§
The bus journey was the same in many ways and yet so completely different. Rohit taunted, yelled and threw spitballs. But what had changed was Easan’s response. Once he decided to not let Rohit upset him, he found it possible to ignore the bully. He did what he loved best—watch life outside the bus. He did that happily for several days, till one morning when they nearly reached school, he realized that the entire journey had been quiet. No bullying. Dad’s advice had worked.§
But an odd thing happened that same day, something very revealing about Rohit.§
Easan was walking into the boy’s locker room when he saw that a group of seniors had Rohit cornered. They were snapping wet towels at his legs, which could really hurt, and laughing at him. Rohit looked at Easan helplessly. Easan shouted, “Hey, here comes the coach!” §
The boys scattered. Looking down the hallway, Rohit quickly realized the coach was nowhere around. “Why did you do that? I thought you would enjoy seeing me getting picked on.”§
“Maybe I should have just watched,” Easan replied, “but I couldn’t. They bully you, you bully me, I started to bully my little brother. Where’s it supposed to stop?”§
Rohit didn’t know how to answer that question, and he certainly wasn’t used to people coming to his aid, especially someone he hadn’t been very nice to. Still, he was grateful for being rescued.§
The next morning a new boy was at the bus stop with Easan and Jothi. His family had just moved into the neighborhood. As soon as the bus arrived, one of Rohit’s friends pointed him out and whispered, “Hey, let’s bug the new kid!” §
“Nah,” said Rohit, glancing toward Easan, “Why bother? He’s not hurting us.”§
That evening, Easan recounted the day’s events to the family. “You advised me, Dad, to control my emotions and not react to Rohit’s taunting. It worked. But even more so, when I saw him getting bullied, I suddenly understood. Those older students took it out on him, he took it out on me, and I started taking it out on Jothi—like a cough going around in flu season! Once I controlled myself, and had enough compassion to help Rohit, he gained some self-control and compassion and became less of a bully.”§
“That’s the son I raised,” Dad thought proudly.§
